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I lost it

I know from these posts you think I am a perfect parent who never loses her mind over what her kids are doing. Well, you're wrong. It happens. I try not to let it happy often, but I fail more than I would like.

My kids have decided asking for help is beneath them. Rory alone in the last week has attempted to take on at least three tasks she should have asked for help with. By the time we realized she needed help, she was flustered and frustrated, and had made more work than necessary. Will frequently ignores the need to request help, and Mack--ARGH! Kae also just fights to the death without calling for reinforcements. The kid could have her arm chewed off before asking for help, or realizing the dog wasn't a fan of her shenanigans.

Today, when yet another issue exploded way out of proportion, I lost my cool. I yelled. I screamed. I swore. Mack did a primal scream. I did a longer, louder, higher one. He cried, I yelled. I was angry at him for storming off and throwing a puzzle in the drawer rather than asking for help with his sister. Kae was in his face and disrespecting him. He'd asked her to stop. She didn't. He "forgot" to ask for help. I berated him. Then, I yelled at the others too.

Eventually I calmed down. I apologized to Mack most. I did retain my threat (promise) about them not asking for help--I won't help unless asked unless they are making more work for Leigh or myself. I won't. I shouldn't. I probably will...because I will forget. I will try.

The important part is I lost my cool. I yelled. But I apologized. I know I will fail again. And I will apologize again. I will try harder. I admitted my wrong doing, I owned my mistake. I love my kids so much it sometimes hurts. But I am human and I fail. I will get back up, and love them harder. We are happy and we love each other, but not every moment is sunshine. It is okay to be human.

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