There are times of deeper struggle in all our lives. This is such a time for Will. I don't yet know why, but I know he is struggling with big things. He has a strong need to know what and how events are going to occur. And, once the plan is in place, he needs people to act accordingly.
Over the last few weeks, I have found myself taking more deep breaths and centering myself so I could gently deal with Will's constant questions than normal. I often fail at my own calmness because he often repeatedly asks for information if he feels the answer is in some way incomplete. I also fail when I have had rapid fire questions and needs from all the kids and animals all day. I failed this evening at calmly responding to his 75th inquiry about dinner.
My laminated, ever changing weekly plan on the living room is helping his needs many days. But if a day is in any way different, or something is canceled, he returns to his need for minute by minute details of each day. He has also gone back to his need for complete and swift justice.
Today at the farm, I had warned that the children were not to argue about the Transformer toys lest they be taken away. The three-year-olds inevitably argued. I didn't know until after when Will needed to tell me that though Pell had solved their issue, Will felt it just I take the toys because that is what I had previously said would occur after an argument. Instead, I appealed to Will's logical self and told him since I hadn't been bothered in the spat, I wasn't taking the toys. This time. I also suggested Will take a break and read rather than engage with the other kids.
Will's need for frequent updates on plans and rules is exhausting. I try hard to answer him calmly and without snapping. Remaining calm is hard. Particularly when I have had to direct five additional people around animals who are acting like spring has arrived. My brain and body are tired. I still have mom this special boy and his incredible siblings. They deserve every ounce of life I have to give and more. Sometimes, my entire being is drained twice or thrice over in a single 12 hour period of time.
I am sure you experience this too as special needs parents. Lean on friends, spouses, random internet scrolling. Do something to allow yourself to breathe. Even for the time it takes to use the bathroom for just a little longer than normal. Breathe. Remember, they look to us for safety and comfort.